Hey there,

I’ve decided this week’s post is going to be short and sweet (maybe sassy too?) I have a lot on my mind, and I’m finding writing to be a bit of a challenge this week. It’s sort of like when you walk into a room that you want to clean and organize and you have no idea where to start, so all you can do is stand there completely paralyzed. That’s what it’s feeling like inside my brain right now. I’ve touched on my crippling anxiety before so, as you know this is nothing new. Most of my thoughts are being physically recorded in my handwritten journals for now because they’re so scattered (or maybe too batshit crazy to share on the internet). These thoughts will possibly make a debut in areas of some other blogs, but not today junior. I’m feeling this irrational overwhelm with my own day to day life. Like we’re all just out here living, could you stop freaking out please?? That’s me talking to my brain. Because FOR REAL! I’m sick of my brain saying everything is a life or death situation. Like girl, sit down.

I’m actively reflecting on other severely anxious periods in my life and ask my past self what the hell she did to cope. I’ve arguably gained more knowledge about coping skills in the past year than I ever have in my entire life, but when you need them the most, POOF! They disappear from your brain. Which checks out since your brain is under attack at the moment. Do you guys ever get anxiety about your anxiety? Like actual anxious thoughts about how you’re currently so anxious? My own answer is obviously yes. It’s almost like this angry anxiety that comes out and says, “hey! stop being anxious, you’re making me anxious and it’s pissing me off!” That’s the best way I can describe it. Kind of like getting annoyed of yourself; my anxiety gets pissed off at itself.

Romanticizing my life

Lately, I’ve been making a poor attempt to “romanticize” my own life. I’ve heard this term before, and I’ve always admired the idea of it. This is another one of those things where I (and probably many others) hear that and think well yeah that sounds nice, but who has time to do that? It sounds like this sort of fancy idea, or something that you see people doing in the movies. I think we could all live in our own little Hallmark movie if we let ourselves. We just take our lives a little too seriously sometimes. Light yourself a little candle and do the dishes girl. You got this!

I’m desperately trying to find joy in the mundane tasks that come with stay at home motherhood. For all my fellow SAHM’s, you know what I mean, and let me just say YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB! Most days it’s a thankless job, and you have to be ready for anything. So romanticize your motherhood. Put your music on while you’re making the lunch that your child won’t eat. Have that extra cup of coffee with the creamer and snuggle your baby right away in the morning. Allow yourself to be imperfect and make messes with your children. Clean it up later. Because later comes very soon. Something I’ve gotten into the habit of doing over the past 2 years is getting up WELL before my child in the morning. Like 4 am well. And this to me is romanticizing my own life.

People do the jaw drop sometimes when I tell them this. On the flip side, I do the jaw drop when people tell me they stay up until midnight or later for their me time after the kids go to bed. Each of us has our own things we find romantic or pleasurable right? I find waking up early enough and doing things that are important to me that don’t hit the same with an awake toddler in the house hits a little different. Some things that still make “me” well, me. I like to read, write, have a cup of HOT coffee, enjoy some silence. It sets the precedence for the rest of my day. The more I romanticize this morning ritual, the more I prioritize it as well.

I look forward to my mornings because they’ve become this moment of sweetness for me. Almost like when you fall in love and you just CAN’T WAIT to see that person again, and you look forward to the moment you get to see them so much it hurts?? Well, not quite that extreme, but you get the picture. I romanticize having this time to myself, therefore I make the sacrifice and do something that kinda sucks and get my ass out of bed at 4 am. So do it in other areas of your life. Change the mindset of “I have to” to “I get to.” I get to wake up and go to work everyday; romanticize it. Whether that’s getting a Starbuck’s on your way in every morning, or picking out a fun thing to wear each day. I GET TO.

I get to make dinner; and have a Diet Coke (or glass of wine, depending on who you are) while I do it. Dance in that kitchen with your kids while you do it. Romanticize it! I get to do the laundry; and turn on my favorite show while I fold it. Romanticize it! I get to argue with my toddler all day; I’m lucky and I will look back on this someday and wish I had that toddler to argue with. Look at their feet. Look at their hands. Look at their little nose. Now imagine them living in their own house with their own kids. Romanticize the time you get with them, because it’s here and gone in an instant.

I like to plant something I look forward to into every mundane task I face. It keeps me going. It keeps me sane. It helps with my anxiety. I don’t overuse social media, I don’t watch the news, and I stay away from political conversations. I limit my contact with negative and closed-minded individuals and I try to keep my head in the pink clouds. Some think that’s crazy; essentially living in my own world. But I think it’s healthy. We live in a world so focused on perfectionism and we pay attention to all the reasons why you should be happy but aren’t. We inherently focus on the negative and negate the positive. So I choose to romanticize. And when you get good at romanticizing, you learn where to start prioritizing.

I’m not saying I’m perfect or have all the answers on how to be happy (trust me, I DO NOT). But I am saying that this romanticizing is something that I strive to do. I practice it. Just like anything else, I outline what’s important to me, and I go for it. I make it my priority to choose happiness. And I don’t always get my priorities straight; no one does, and if you do; you’re lying. That’s all for now. I’ll be busy romanticizing stuff in the mean time.

Talk soon,

Corrah