Hey there,

Am I the only one who hates airports? I can’t be. There’s no way. I dislike them for various reasons, and here I will explain five of those reasons. Having never actually traveling via airplane until I was in my early twenties, I went a good chunk of my life with the feeling of fascination by flying and feeing like I was missing out on something by not going on a plane. Now, after having traveled by plane many times at this point in my life, that mindset couldn’t have been farther from the truth. I wasn’t in fact missing out on much, and as it turns out, I’d rather road-trip almost anywhere. You’re in control, plus you can stop by cool gas stations you’ve never even heard of for good snackies. Traveling is cool. But the airport part- not so much. No one prepared me for the gunky germy building that is an airport. Or the crabby staff. Or the expensive water. Or the strip naked and show me your ID before we let you get on the plane part. Kidding about that last one, obviously. But I mean come on, it’s kinda funny. So lets get into it.

1. Airports are Lonely

Airports are one of the loneliest places on planet Earth according to extremely informal research conducted by me while waiting for boarding or baggage. Just think about it for a second. There’s no real connection happening here. Aside from connection flights.. ha! People are in a constant state of unwavering change. Once you pass through those doors, there’s no turning back. It’s like this giant state of purgatory in which you have no control. Obviously you chose to be there, but you know what I’m saying. You’re either starting something or ending something. Some coming, others going; passing by each other like pre-programmed robots. Some people are tired and pissed off. Others are ecstatic because they’re going to Cabo for Spring Break. Some are going home for the weekend and some are running away from home forever. People are taking work trips, family trips, girls trips, and skiing trips. Someone is rushing home because a loved one died. Someone is taking their first flight. A new grandmother flying across the country to see her new grandbaby. A friend rushing to another friend’s side as he stares down the barrel of divorce. A soldier leaving his family behind yet again to go to another re-class school or training all the way across the country. All of them, sitting next to one another. Waiting. Waiting to get on or off of the same plane. Some wishing time would tick faster, and others wishing it would slow down. All the while going to the same destination to meet different fates.

Something about this is terribly forlorn and touches an emotional spot for me. To think about someone grieving the loss of a family member being surrounded by so many people and to still feel so alone. For them to look at the family in the rows ahead bursting with excitement for their upcoming vacation while they have a funeral awaiting them when they exit the plane. Some may argue that this loneliness is an opportunity for connection; and for some people it is. But for many, it’s not. It’s an anxious journey being surrounded by strangers and putting your life into the hands of pilots who are highly qualified, but strangers nonetheless. At least that’s my experience. Hurry up and wait. Wait in line for bag check, wait for security, wait to board. Wait wait wait. For me this means think think think. And I think we all know where my thinking gets me. The walls close in and I start to feel alone. So maybe I could use it for connection. But then again maybe not, because I don’t want Sally telling me about her grandkids the entire flight.

2. Airports are Expensive

One word- OUTRAGEOUS. Supply and demand I know. But Holy crap. Hi, yes I would like to pay $32 dollars for a crappy cup of coffee and a bagel. Generally, you’re on vacation, so you want to be able to have something fun to eat or drink, and you can’t get away with much going through security, so you’re either stuck drinking the stale water fountain water and your crackers in your backpack, or paying astronomical prices for mediocre fast food that takes about an hour to get, so you’re running to the gate with your crappy cold food hoping they don’t call your name. Also- if you haven’t realized this by now, I’m a little bit dramatic. They price gouge because they know they can, but again I say, Holy fricken crap. As if buying your plane ticket and selling your sanity to the devil just for traveling by aircraft, now you have to spend your kids’ college savings on a cup of coffee. Traveling all by itself is sooooo expensive. And a lot of people don’t even do it for this very reason. And again, I know these are all spoiled first-world problems, and I’ll say it again; this blog is merely about my thoughts and opinions on my own lived experiences while not discounting others’ lived reality. I’m simply sharing my own. Or perceived reality because I’m a little bit dramatic and over the top. Okay and don’t even get me started on the $9 bag of pretzels on the airplane. Give me a break. You can keep your stale pretzels, now give me my “free” can of Diet Coke. And yes, for those who don’t know, you can ask for the entire can. I advise you to take advantage of this, since it seems to be the one small perk of flying. Now lets’ move on to my favorite hating of the airport of ALL TIME.

3. Stupid People

Yes, I said it. These people do exist and there’s no denying it. And most of them quite literally just “go stupid” while traveling. Their self awareness is lost for whatever reason. For the various reasons people travel, as I noted above, I can see why. The excitement, the grief, distracted by children, anxiety, etc… can all cause people to “go stupid.” Can we start with the very beginning of the process, being dropped off. The person dropping you off is parked in the middle of the dang road so no one can get around them. Please pull up to the curb; thank you. And can you please not stop directly in front of the door searching your pockets wondering if you forgot something. Move to the side please; thank you. Can you please not argue with the airline employee at check-in because your bag is too heavy. That’s not their fault, it’s yours. Please weigh your bag at home before you come to the airport; thank you.

And here comes one of them in which we shall not even get me started on, but I’m going to start anyway. Security. You’re standing in line for over 10 minutes scrolling on your phone, and then you act like it’s a surprise that you need to have your ID ready to present to TSA. Please for the sake of everyone in this whole process, have the shit ready. Take off your shoes, take your laptop out of your bag, empty your pockets, take off your belt while you’re just standing there waiting with nothing else to do. And PLEASE, when your bin comes out, don’t just stand there in front of the conveyor belt and put all your crap back on and into your pockets. Grab your crap and move along. They have benches all over at the end of security for a reason. I have like top 3 pet peeves when it comes to this process, and that is one of them. You’re holding up the line and it’s rude. This is an instance where the self-awareness is completely gone.

This next one isn’t necessarily a pet peeve, but more of a thing I don’t understand and I never will. Maybe for old people, or people with a physical disability, etc…, but not for the average Joe. The gate. Waiting to board. All the chairs. WHY!? Hi, yes, I am here 2 hours early for my flight and I would like to sit in this chair the whole time while I wait to board the airplane that I’m going to be sitting on for the next 2-4 hours. Why would you want to do that. That is SOO much sitting. Doesn’t your ass hurt? Don’t you want to walk around? Don’t you want to move your legs so you don’t throw a clot? It’s just something I will never understand. If you have the ability to be mobile while waiting to board, why wouldn’t you?

Next is one of the pet peeves. When they call for your flight number and announce that boarding is about to begin, every single person on that flight stands up and rushes to the line, as if it’s going to make the plane take off any faster. No it’s not. And now you’re blocking the hallway for people trying to get by. It takes at least 10 minutes or more to board the plane, so why not calm down and stand in front of the chair you’ve been sitting in for the last 2 hours. I might seem kinda feisty on this reason, but the behavior of other people when travelling irks me in a way that nothing else can. There’s another line formation that gets me every time. Baggage claim. Everyone rushes to the carousel, practically ready to jump in to wait for their bag. Leaving no room for the people who stand back and watch for their bag from afar. I shouldn’t have to shoulder check you to get my bag. Just stand back and walk up there when you start to see your bag come through. I don’t know if I just overanalyze things that aren’t really a big deal or what, but some behaviors of other humans make travelling that much more difficult for the very self-aware humans. Oh and one more thing, please don’t start asking the flight attendants for stuff while the plane is still boarding, they’re busy and we’re all on a time schedule; so please save your thoughts and requests for when we reach altitude, thank you so much.

4. Lack of Control

You. Are. Nothing.

That’s sure what it feels like once you enter the airport. You belong to the airline now until you grab your bag and exit the building in your new destination. They’re in control of your bags, your ability to get on the plane, and when you get to leave and how. TSA doesn’t have to let you through security. That’s dependent on what you bring, how you’re acting, and the validity of your identification. Kind of a scary thought. Not that I would ever have a reason to be thrown aside by security, I always have that intrusive though of what if I have a gun or drugs?? Seriously, these thoughts occur to me. My heart rate increases while I’m waiting in line for security and I start to get a dry mouth and stutter when I talk to the agents. I guess you could say I “go stupid” in my own ways, and this probably bothers other people, but hey, we all have our moments right? We may just witness more of these moments while traveling because we’re packed like sardines through every step of the process.

I remember one time I was travelling home from Ft. Meyers, Florida, and there was a drug sniffing German Sheppard at the airport. I was already waiting in line for security, and they rerouted the ropes to have everyone walk past the dog. I think my heart rate was in the 130’s just standing there thinking of walking past that dog. I don’t do drugs, I don’t even drink, but I was terrified. Do I really have to walk past this dog? I just kept spiraling. There was no reason to be scared in my position, but I think it was the lack of control I had over the situation. I was sure I was never going to get to go home because maybe I accidentally had cocaine that I was unare of. What if my sweatshirt was contaminated from a restaurant or something? These are crazy things to think, I know. But the possibility of it seemed very real to me at the time. I was afraid I would never get to go home and that I would be stranded in Florida. Plus, my bags already checked- what would happen then? These irrational thoughts contribute to this out of control feeling.

The last part about feeling out of control is flight delays. There’s nothing you can do about it, so there’s no sense getting upset about it, but we are all lying to ourselves if we say it doesn’t upset us. The plane isn’t here when we’re supposed to take off and we just have to deal with it. No control. This is why I like driving. I want to get on the road by 5 am, so that’s what I’m going to do. And I’m not talking about baby road trips. I’m talking about flyable road trips across the country. I’ve done this many times in my life and I’ve enjoyed it every time. Except maybe the driving on the literal side of a mountain in Arizona; that was a little bit TERRIFYING. But I made it nonetheless. Anyways, lack of control to a control freak is basically the end of the world, so there.

5. Security

This last one is sort of a bonus that encompasses everything I’ve already mentioned. Going through security. You have to wait and deal with stupid people the whole way through (other passengers, not TSA). It feels sort of lonely. You’re being marched to a belt in which all of your belongings and some clothing have to be taken from you as a requirement to get on the plane. I’m not saying that this isn’t a very necessary part of the process, I’m more so talking about the way it FEELS. You don’t pass go unless TSA says so. They hold all the power. We need them and rely on them to keep us all safe. Here we go about the part where I’m definitely not hating on TSA, more just acknowledging that they have to deal with the stupid people or “people acting stupid” that I mentioned before. These agents have to have face to face contact with people who can’t follow simple directions all day long. That being said, I have come across many who act rude or they downright scare me. They aren’t trying to be this way; they’re burnt out from telling people they can’t bring full water bottles through security. They’re sick of repeating themselves 20 times every hour for someone to empty their pockets. They’re growing tired of people not removing their shoes when asked 2+ times. So you can’t blame them, when you are a perfectly over prepared patron and they still treat you like the red-headed step-child. It’s not that they hate you, it’s just that they hate everyone.

Look, if I did this job, I would hate everyone too. It may as well be a bunch of kindergartners going through security who are just learning how to pay attention, listen to their bodies, and follow directions. So I don’t hate going through security for any one single reason, but this collection of reasons why it makes me uncomfortable. My heart rate spikes every time I’m waiting in line. As I’ve mentioned before, i might accidentally have illegal contraband on me that I’m not aware of and get escorted off the premises and arrested and hauled off to jail (spiraling thoughts much?) ALSO, one time I was going through security in Mesa, Arizona and it was taking a long time. It seemed like the line was at a standstill and when I finally got up to the conveyor belt with the bins, I realized there were a bunch of elderly people with wheelchairs. It makes sense why it was going slow, but to make the story even better; the TSA agent who was supposed to be directing traffic after putting items in the bin, was just standing in the middle of the floor eating a giant Laffy Taffy like he was on his lunch break. He was kinda sorta directing traffic and kept getting it wrong based on the assistive devices the elderly people needed. He would send them to one line, only for the other TSA agent at the end of that line to send him back to Laffy Taffy guy. I was kinda like wtf is even happening. Eventually the other TSA agent got annoyed with him and told him to put his candy down and do his job. It was sort of funny, and maybe he was just diabetic and was going hypoglycemic, who knows. But the point is, it’s stressful, stupid, and disorganized half the time.

So to conclude my dramatic rant fest, I hate traveling by airplane. I hate every part of the process and I wish I could just drive everywhere. Plus then I would have my car, so that would be it’s own bonus. Maybe I’ll start. Who knows? Hopefully I validated some of the same reasons that other people hate airports, and maybe I just made someone laugh and think wow, that’s a little much. Whatever the consensus, I hope to leave some sort of impression. Thanks for listening.

Talk Soon,

Corrah